Mental Disorder

How should I start ? Hm, I am so grateful and I am really happy of her successness. She got 9A in her PMR EXAMINAtion. Congrates for her. She's good in everything. Every aspects of things besides sports. She just way better than me and I'm useless. I dont know why I felt this way, I 'd never felt what I feel right now. She's just so perfect ! Whereas me ? I am lacked in every part. Im not good as her , im not kind as her , im not clever as her. I just felt that I am terrible person. She got what she really wanted. And yes, I also want the thing. It is not that I want that thing like I want to own that. But I just want to use it, to know how to use it. but hell ya, she forgot me. She forgot that I want it that for so long and she just dumped me ! Ugh- I hate this feeling like so much ! . Why can I Be like her ? Why can I be as good as her ? Am I not grateful enough ? Am I didnt accept my fate ? Am I didnt thankful for what Allah had gave it to me ? Am I ?  I had to keep my feelings deep inside my heart. Im crying in the inside and yes tears started falling. please make this feelings fade away. I cant stand it. I cant stand seeing her. She is so cruel. Am I a terrible person for thinking this way ? Am I ? I think I am.